Monday, March 29, 2010

REFLECTION: a sigh of relief...

March has been one of the busiest months I've experienced in many years. All of it good busy. Just too much constant activity on top of activity for my quiet temperament.

Too much of a good thing is still too much.

The past two months have been an uninterrupted stream of concerts to perform, retreats to lead, conference mentoring to offer, workshops to present, and pottery shows to manage. All satisfying and valuable, but requiring a steady take-charge alertness and responsiveness to others that is draining when sustained over a long haul.

Today marks a conscious shift toward silence and solitude.

Today I return my gaze toward the projects closest to my heart, projects that can only progress if granted the uninterrupted time, energy, and focus they require.
  • recording the next CD, one song at a time
  • writing the Creative Compass book, one essay at a time
  • pottery making, for artistic discovery and for sale, one lump of clay at a time.
One of my favorite quotes is from the dancer/choreographer Martha Graham, here she is speaking to Agnes De Milne:
[pictured above in a photograph by Barbara Morgan, "Letter to the World (kick), Martha Graham" 1940]

“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is on a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.”

When I'm suspended too much from myself--from my need for stillness and solitude--a sadness, a deep feeling of neglect creeps in. There is only one cure.

I wrote in my journal this morning:

"My tasks first. Others later or they will set the tone for the day.
My tasks first.
Not email.
Not phone calls.
My solitude.
My body. [meaning exercise and healthy eating]
My vision.

"Relationships don't need constant tending. They will be stronger if I am more whole."

"If I am angry and sad and feeling neglected within, no matter how much recreation and togetherness is poured on top it will never be healed. The healing is in my own inward attentiveness, my own setting of protective boundaries around the needs of this center self, my own making of space for its expression and discovery."

"There is always discovery in solitary being and doing. That is what I long for. I will carve out space for that discovery through Soulful doing. Starting today. Starting now."

Less mindless surfing of the internet to read news, or watch videos, or catch up on Facebook. Less shuffling through newspapers and magazines to kill time.

Much more direct engagement in the projects that matter to me.

Starting today. Starting now.

I'll be writing here and on my other, related blogs more regularly, though briefly, to map daily progress.
But I'm shutting down my browser now.
And getting to work.

Starting today. Starting now.

(c)Kay Pere~Effusive Muse Publishing