Quote: Ears Filled with Oughts

"Much of the joy I always feel on the island lies precisely in being free of the nagging suspician I used to have that no matter what I was doing I might better be doing something else: if playing with my kids I should be working, if working I was neglecting my friends, if out with my friends I belonged home with my kids. How often I accused myself of reading when I should be writing, of writing when I ought to be reading, of staying indoors when I ought to be out in the streets ... filling my ears with oughts, but never knowing which ear the devil was whispering in."

~ Alix Kates Shulman, from Drinking the Rain

Fortune Cookie Says

The fortune cookie I got with last night's Chinese take-out told me:

"Your infinite capacity for patience will be rewarded sooner or later."

I want my infinite capacity for patience rewarded now!

Just kidding. Sorta.

How would you define "irony"?

©2007 Kay Pere ~ Effusive Muse Publishing

Library: Free Magazines

Because I try to live simply, I don't subscribe to magazines that aren't related to my profession (though I do occasionally bring one home from the grocery store check out counter).

As part of my creative process workshop the participants are asked to make a quick collage clipped from magazines, which I wouldn't ordinarily have on hand. So, today I visited our local public library where they set aside stacks of books and magazines, free for the taking.

I loaded my arms high with copies of Vogue, Gourmet, Women's Day, Better Homes and Gardens, Redbook, and Oprah magazines, happy to be able to pass along this abundance to those who will come to my workshop to learn about their own creative resources and the many sources of simple abundance available to them.

I find it amusing that even though these magazines are heavily supported by advertising of expensive luxury items, we will be ripping them apart on a treasure hunt for inspiring words, colors, images, and phrases to clip, arrange and glue.

Like children, in the midst of play we become less susceptible to advertising's attempts to activate our insecurities.

In those moments, we know intuitively that we are enough just as we are.

©2007 Kay Pere ~ Effusive Muse Publishing

stronger than memory

Healing is stronger than memory.

Spring is evidence of this truth.

©2007 Kay Pere ~ Effusive Muse Publishing

The Funnies

Reuse. Recycle. Renew.

As a child during the 60's and 70's I took this mantra to heart.

Birthday and Christmas gifts from my teenage hippy brothers were usually wrapped in the Sunday funnies, a choice made by economic necessity and the ideology of the time. They needed what little spending money they had to pay for dates and gas for their car, and the funnies wrapped around the presents they gave were also a form of rebellion against the "Establishment". They weren't about to buy into the commercialization of gift giving. Inside the colorful wrapping, the things I found were often handmade or second-hand.

None of my friends got gifts wrapped in newspaper. I envied them, but I also realized I was experiencing something kinda cool.

The lessons learned stuck with me:

- Store bought isn't necessarily better
- Ordinary things can be reused
- Self-sufficiency is respectable
- Special doesn't have a price tag
- You can do things your own way
- Everyday choices can be declarations of personal freedom

(c)2007 Kay Pere ~ Effusive Muse Publishing

Vernal Equinox

The first day of Spring! The wheel of the year turns.

Wagon wheel pasta (rotelle) and sauce for dinner. Round green grapes on the side.

I went for a walk to the edge of the woods today, looking for signs of spring.

A flock of robins tap-danced across the field looking for the first stirrings of earthworms. They hopped up into the bare tree branches as I passed among them.

There were leaf buds on the blackberry vines I'd planted at the corner of Gaia Luna last summer. Maybe this year there will be more sunny days and the birds will leave some berries for me to eat. I have visions of blackberry jam on toast and blackberries in the freezer for my breakfast cereal on January mornings.

The deer fence around the garden didn't survive the winter. The winds and ice were too much for it. It hangs like a veil across the southern edge of the beds. This year we'll need to put in a more permanent solution, a real fence with heavier posts. Maybe even a garden gate with an arbor, if it wouldn't look too civilized.

Plant peas after St. Patricks Day, they say.

Our ground is still icy. There is snow in the shady places. Ice on the puddles.

I'm ready for green!

©2007 Kay Pere ~ Effusive Muse Publishing

Mix it up!

Reuse. Recycle. Renew.

Old things with character and history appeal to me.

I would rather use our old avocado green hand mixer than anything new from the store. It has mixed cakes and brownies going back many decades. To hold it in my hand is to hold all those happy memories, though it's only been mine for a fraction of that time.

The color reminds me of an era when Alice on the "Brady Bunch" always had something ready for dinner when everyone arrived home.

It represents a time when simple was enough and things were built to last.

©2007 Kay Pere ~ Effusive Muse Publishing

non-Competition

~ journal excerpt

I want art and serenity in my life. I'm not interested in competitive jockeying.

If, after I've created what I want to create and taken it out into the world, if then it fits with the parameters of some competition, I will try. I'm not going to mold myself unrecognizably into something to fit an objective.

I think a lot about getting older and trying to find lasting meaning in life. There is a wealth of material for art and song there.

(c)2007 Kay Pere ~ Effusive Muse Publishing

Contest Win

Last month I entered a contest and won. This was a first for me, both the entering and the winning. In the process, I learned a lot about my own competitive nature. (More on that in another post.)

Nancy Mills, the founder of "The Spirited Woman" wrote a set of words and challenged others to set them to music. The theme of her organization is "Living in the Land of Enoughness". Through her workshops, newsletter and website, she encourages women to feel empowered by knowing that we are enough, just as we are.

You can listen to my rendition of "The Spirited Woman Song" HERE.

Nancy interviewed me over the phone following the announcement of the winners. You can read the interview HERE.

One of the fun things about this contest was that Nancy encouraged participants not to worry about their results, to just come up something fun and enter. Some "songs" were even called in to an 800 number she set up especially for the contest. Others, like mine, were sent by email as MP3s.

While some contestants made up their songs on the spot, for me, taking a song from concept to finished recording in 8-10 hours of work, and finishing by a deadline, was a major breakthough.

The 4 finalists were selected by a panel of judges. The order of winners was determined by popular vote.

A big happy "Thank you!" to everyone who emailed or called during the short 24-hour voting window.

My prize money will be going toward recording my next CD, hopefully coming out in Spring of 2008.

:-), Kay

Flow Around

Blocked momentum.

My energy and effort dammed up behind an obstruction, or channeled off in another direction without my consent, for someone else’s purposes.

I become a stream, curving around a stone.

Or the pressure builds. With enough force the stone may be pushed over or moved aside, or it may be destroyed in the process.

In that time, I am going nowhere. I must decide, is this a good use of my energy and effort? Is this the best way to get were I'm going, to do what I'm meant to do?

The stone has as much right to exert it's will upon me as I have to choose my own response.

I acknowledge obstruction.

Today, this time, I choose to flow around.

Perhaps, it will be smoothed and reshaped a little by my passing. Perhaps, I will learn something of determination by touching its steadfastness.

©2007 Kay Pere ~Effusive Muse Publishing

Thrift Store Finds

A friend from Wales, Michael Nobbs, came up with the idea to do an Artist's Date to a thrift store, known in his corner of the world as a charity shop. [Join in HERE] He suggests that each person set a small budget and buy something to wear that we wouldn't ordinarily choose.

I chose a vividly colorful straw hat. Only $1.99 US. I bought it without trying it on because I'd come into the store just 15 minutes before closing.

Funny thing, when I got home and put it on to look in the mirror, it actually looks pretty good.

I think I'll leave the price tag dangling from the brim, a la Minnie Pearl (is she known outside the US?). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minnie_Pearl.

Or here http://www.cmt.com/artists/az/pearl_minnie/bio.jhtml you can even see the $1.98 tag on her hat! :-) Nice semi-coincidence.

I looked at the sweater racks, too, and realized that the ones in the thrift store were nicer than the shabby old things in my dresser at home, which have been washed and worn a million times until they're pilly and full of holes, but I still wear them.

I love chenille, so imagine my joy when I found a treasure trove of chenille sweaters in my size (or close enough that a little roll of the sleaves will make the necessary adjustment). Got 3 for $1.00 each, 1 for $3.00 and 1 for $5.99. All very nice, soft and cozy. Lavender with subtle sparkles, deep red, black, coco brown, and periwinkle. They're spinning around in the washer right now rinsing out that thrift store smell, getting ready for wearing tomorrow (though not all at once).

Also for $1.99 each I got 2 VHS tapes: "The Princess Bride" and Disney's "The Aristocats". I'm a sap when it comes to movie choices.

I got a wooden dish drainer rack and a 2-quart glass water bottle to put in the fridge for a buck a piece. The dish drainer goes out to the barn to dry and store my bats (round masonite boards used on the pottery wheel). When the weather warms up, I think I'll use the bottle to brew some sun tea from herbs grown in my garden.

A lot of good shopping for just under $20, and in only 15 minutes. Woohoo!

©2007 Kay Pere ~ Effusive Muse Publishing

Meditation

~ excerpts from today's journal writing

Deep breaths
Calm body
Still mind

Over the years, I've asked for advice and permission far more often than I really should. I need to give myself back the authority I've handed over to others.

My creative work is both hopeful and haunted. I have both strength and weakness and can hold these two, one in each hand, as I work. Passion and detachment. Independence and interconnection. The synthesis of opposites necessary for growth.

Life is filled with unresolvable contradictions. This is fertile ground for creative work.

©2007 Kay Pere ~ Effusive Muse Publishing

Connect the DOTs

My theme for the next few months is "Connect the Dots". I tend to work on things in isolated islands of intense activity. One day one thing, the next another. I have so many areas of focus that it all becomes rather disjointed. Like dots on a page with only hints of a picture around the edges, and no numbers to tell how to connect them.

I've named the clusters of dots, like constellations, to help me make more sense of them:

• Heart and Spiral - my songwriting, performing and recording activities
• Sacred Shards - pottery work and sales
• Effusive Muse Publishing - my writing project and workshop development
• Sound Krayons Music - the teaching studio, vocal and songwriting workshops
• Keys for a Cause - social activism (related to our non-profit LUNCH, Local United Network to Combat Hunger)
• Gaia Luna - the garden that's more than a garden

Then there are the dots that are just splashes of me, that don't necessarily fit in anywhere.

Constellations, all, clusters of light in the sky over my head, for navigation, telling of meaning and stories, connected through imagination, through action. Right now, though, mostly just dots, disjointed fragments of accomplishment and infrastructure.

How about this? DOTs: Disjointed Organizational Tools

Sounds so corporate.

Sometimes, if I let myself become distracted by a troublesome person, I find I've connected with dots that don't belong to me.

In the past I would let these things hang in isolation in my mind, not allowing myself to see a pattern and it's impact on me. This takes it's toll. I'll never know how many hours, how many days I've lost with thoughtless words and actions reverberating in my head.

I've begun to see the ways I've allowed other people's dots to become part of my design. I've started to recognize where I've drawn lines connecting with their dots instead of my own.

Seeing this, I can choose when to use my eraser and make changes.

I hope I am better equipped to consciously choose to connect, or not, in the future.

My dots. Their dots.

My job in this life is to own my dots, to add some of my own choosing, to draw in the lines that transform dots into meaningful pictures, then use them to navigate toward my destination, whatever that turns out to be.

(c)2007 Kay Pere ~ Effusive Muse Publishing

SACRED SHARDS: Fresh Slabs & New Directions

I went to the pottery studio late yesterday afternoon. It was the first time I'd gone in many weeks, because I'd been sick.

It's amazing how doing something you love can be so energizing. I dragged myself over there yesterday, feeling tired, but knowing that I'd feel even more disappointed and frustrated if another day went by without working on my pottery. I ended up working there for nearly an hour and a half, wedging and rolling out 5, 1/4 inch thick slabs, (3 white, 2 red) working slowly and methodically, enjoying the stillness of the studio and the company of another woman who'd come there to glaze her pieces.

Rather than using cardboard scraps to transport the slabs as I usually do (see photo above), this time I took several small 14x15 inch squares of drywall I'd prepared by ceiling the edges with thin strips of duct tape (very bad to get plaster in clay--it explodes in the kiln). Each slab was transferred from the SlabMats onto a square of drywall then slid into a 16x16 inch square zipper bag purchase from the Uline catalog. I've used some regular drywall, some waterproof, to see which will work best.

When I got home, I was re-energized enough to work for about 3 hours before calling it a night. I sat at the kitchen table, near the woodstove, playing and stamping designs using my most recently fired hand-carved stamps. This morning I have 13 new pendants and 11 new Christmas ornaments ready to go over to the studio for bisque firing, all from just one slab of white clay. These are designs I've not tried before.

Usually, I work almost exclusively in red clay. I like the natural, earthy look is gives. By experimenting with the white clay this time, I began to look at my designs differently, to feel free to try new ideas. I'm hoping to shake myself loose from the things I've already done, to build in new directions.

The pieces that have been selling well, the button box pendants, are things I began to develop nearly 2 years ago. Of course, I'll still continue to make these. They have a story that continues to resonate for me. At the same time, I'm ready to find an artistic direction that reflects who I am in the here and now. I'm excited to discover what that will be.

©2007 Kay Pere ~ Effusive Muse Publishing

SACRED SHARDS: Tools 1

Most of my pottery work, to date, has involved hand building small objects. I've collected an unwieldy assortment of small sculpting tools. So, last year, as a birthday gift to myself, I made this tool roll from scraps of a canvas painter's drop cloth. The design is my own, customized from the features of other tool rolls I've seen in stores.

I personalized it with hand written phrases and mantras composed from my experiences working with clay. I wanted to capture in words the elemental magic I feel as I work.

"Simple tools of transformation . . . hands, mind, imagination."
©2007 Kay Pere - Effusive Muse Publishing

"SACRED SHARDS"
"Artifacts of the Spirit, uneartherd to tell their stories"
© 2007 Kay Pere - Effusive Muse Publishing

"Fire, Water, Wood, Stone / Earth, Air, Silver, Bone"
©2007 Kay Pere - Effusive Muse Publishing

It stands on it's own. The ties that secure the bundle when it's rolled up can be tied through a loop on the opposite edge to make it stand for easy access to the tools.

Pottery is a messy business. Before beginning to cut and sew, I machine washed the canvas in hot water and dried it on high to remove any shrinkage. The writing is permanent, done with a brown sharpie marker, tested on scraps for washability before beginning on the final piece. When the time comes that my tool roll is unrecognizably caked with clay, I can throw the whole thing in the washer, minus the tools of course.
©2007 Kay Pere - Effusive Muse Publishing

Time Between Years

With a house as cluttered as the inside of my head, I've had an incessant feeling that I'm spinning in circles, getting nowhere. Everything for my current projects has been sitting out, no place to put anything away, projects piled on projects, all vying for attention, so I spent the past 3 days of my holiday break cleaning out closets, reorganizing.

The box in the photo is full of craft supplies from old projects and whimsical things I bought to several years ago-- finger paints, feathers, colored modeling clay and sequined princess crowns-- all to infuse my artistic life, and life in general, with more playful creativity. I've come to the place where I'm ready to part with these, to pass them along to someone else. My art and music are happening freely. I'm happy with the directions things are taking. If the time comes again when I need to resupply, I'll have room to go out and buy new things chosen for the present.

I cleaned out the closet in my studio/office so I can have materials close at hand for sending out mailings. Also, cleared a big space in the bottom of the closet to store 2 small rolling file cabinets, one for my current songwriting files, the other for research/writing files for the growing book/workshop project. This will get them out of the middle of the living room and guestroom. I find that having projects in portable boxes or light-weight rolling file cabinets helps me to take things out when I'm working on them, and put them away when I'm not. That's the vision, the ideal.

Feels good to make my surrounding better reflect where my life is headed right now, to clear away the thick residue of years past. I'm hoping all this work will make my surroundings, and my insides, feel more serene and help me to reach my goals.

©2006 Kay Pere - Effusive Muse Publishing

Rose Rescue

Sometimes a new beginning arrives disguised as a dramatic letdown. I've learned that bouncing back is essential to sustaining a creative life.

I found myself drooping today, like the dozen, wilted, long-stemmed red roses in a tall vase on my kitchen counter, standing with their heads bowed. These roses were a gift, received last Friday as reminder of love, constant through failure and success alike. Sad, beautiful, comforting roses.

Not quite ready to part with them, I trimmed them from their stems, nestled the unfolding flowers in a shallow bowl of water.

Disappointment, too, can be transformed.

By trimming the useful and beautiful bits of an experience from those that are not, I can nestle them safely within, until the time is right to move on.

©2006 Effusive Muse Publishing

Zen of Potato Soup

Yesterday, I made a big pot of potato soup. I do this with a spirit of mindfulness, present in the moment, enjoying the process. Potato soup is my comfort food of choice.

There's something good for the soul in the simplicity of cutting up onions, slicing celery, peeling and chopping potatoes, crumbling homegrown lovage and tarragon into the pot, adding a pinch of pepper from my palm, watching thick squares of butter melt across the surface, then swirling in clouds of milk. No need to measure ingredients, just like my grandmother and her Irish grandmother before her.

At our house, it's served up in blue and white enamelware soup bowls, bought at an old general store in Vermont many years back, toast with raspberry jam on the side.

Try some bread to go with your soup.

©2006 Kay Pere - Effusive Muse Publishing

Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving to All!

I'm most thankful for the simple things, like being able to enjoy the colors and sounds, tastes and feelings of everyday things.

I'm thankful for my mind and my health.

I'm thankful for someone I love to share my life with.

Wishing you all a year ahead filled with many reasons for giving thanks.

Quantum Leap!

Tonight, I started editing a song we recorded about a week ago up at Ascension Studios.

I'm learning to use MOTU Digital Performing. I spent 3 hours in one sitting, editing the vocals and trimming other tracks while learning, experimenting with the mix. Still much to do.

It's been a goal of mine for a long time to learn this. Knowing how to use this program puts the power in my own hands to create the balance of sounds I imagine. Very exciting!

I feel the way opening before me.