Gaia Luna Video Tour: January Thaw

Gem the cat and I would like you to join us on our first ever video tour of Gaia Luna Garden.

We've chosen a pleasant day during our January thaw to make for easy walking.  You'll see where we're starting the year. And in future videos you'll be able to watch how it grows.

Even in this cold time of long darknesses, we know we've turned the corner of the seasons, and we're heading back toward Spring!

(c)2013 Kay Pere ~ Effusive Muse Publishing

Eric Maisel Does For Mood What Michael Pollan Did For Food

MY REVIEW AND RESPONSE TO 
"Rethinking Depression" by Eric Maisel

“In Defense of Food: An Eater’s Manifesto,” the 2008 bestseller by Michael Pollan challenged us to take back our food supply from the “Nutritional Industrial Complex.”

Another bestselling author, Eric Maisel, psychologist and international creativity expert, in “Rethinking Depression: How to Shed Mental Health Labels and Create Personal Meaning,” urges us “make meaning” in order to take back our mood supply from the Medical Industrial Complex. [my coined phrase, not Maisel’s] 

Maisel encourages us to make a meaningful life in order to combat inevitable human unhappiness, then he tells us how. 

If this book hasn't been on the bestseller list by the time you read this review, I wish it were. It looks at life with an honesty and clarity that is rare, and much needed.

I am fortunate to be among a handful of artists, authors, and others across the globe to be asked to read and respond to "Rethinking Depression" as part of Eric Maisel's blog tour for it's launch this month.

Based on its title, at this point in my life I probably wouldn't have selected "Rethinking Depression" from a bookstore's shelves as my next read, but I'm extremely grateful to have read it.  It's true that you can't judge a book by its cover.  It arrived at just the right time to repeatedly provided insight that I'm on the right path, for me, as I work to make a meaningful life. I saw reflected back to me among its pages a philosophy and approach that rings true.

Maisel writes of his 2012 release with New World Library, “I question whether ‘the mental disorder of depression’ exists or whether in contemporary times human sadness has been monetized and languaged into a ‘mental disorder.’ I follow that discussion with a plan for minimizing sadness and living life with purpose.” 

It is a book in two parts.

PART ONE: Maisel Rethinks Depression
Part One is a well-reasoned look at the medicalization and pathologization of common human experiences of emotional pain and sadness by the pharmaceutical industry and mental health establishment.  Maisel describes how our perception of these behaviors and experiences has been transformed by diagnostic lists of symptoms with an accompanying menu of approved treatments.

I find Maisel’s carefully reasoned arguments to be extremely persuasive. 

Though my reading of “Rethinking Depression”s opening chapters brought to mind many questions—I’m always one to ask, “Yeah, but what about…”—I was moved to speak aloud, “Yes!” when Maisel recommended that instead of the term “depression,” we use more specific and compassionate words such as “sadness” or “loneliness” or “disappointment” or “loss.”  These feelings are not medical conditions. They are normal human reactions to life’s harshest realities.  I won't be addressing those questions or their answers here, but in the course of writing this review I had the opportunity to interact with Eric Maisel directly. I will just say that this book represents only a small portion of a well-reasoned and compassionate conceptual edifice well worth exploring.

And there is great power in naming things as they truly are.

This is not to say that Maisel opposes prescription medication, talk therapy, or even religious practice as help for those struggling with difficult experiences and emotions. He simply wants us to recognize that these options are only that, options.

PART TWO:  We Learn to Rethink Depression
In Part Two of “Rethinking Depression”, Maisel presents another option: the reader can learn to "make meaning" by developing and acting on an "Existential Plan.”

Chapter 4, the first in Part Two, is one of the most beautifully stated explanations of a philosophical perspective—in this case existentialism—I have ever read.  With his customary pragmatic, conversational tone, Maisel lays out the ideas of Dostoyevsky, Nietzsche, Kafka, Sartre, and Camus in terms anyone can understand. Then he shows the reader how to move beyond the philosophical into the day-to-day application of these ideas to life.

To paraphrase: Life is both beautiful and extremely harsh.  No one can tell you what it all means. You have to take responsibility for yourself, decide for yourself what meaning you wish to make of life, then do your best each day to live ethically according to your own self-knowledge, values, and goals.  Even knowing that you will fall short of this ideal much of the time, Maisel asserts that this is the best way to deal with your own human unhappiness, simply by seeing life for what it is, being true to yourself, doing what you can and making what you can of your life as you go along.

For other more academic explanations of existentialism offering greater detail than I'm able, you might want to look at the following:
http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/existentialism/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existentialism

Here is Jean-Paul Sartre's (b. 1908, d. 1980) own explanation of existentialism given in a lecture in 1949, if you care to wade through it:  http://www.marxists.org/reference/archive/sartre/works/exist/sartre.htm

The last time I’d tried to understand existentialism was in college. I attempted to read something by Sartre, perhaps "Being and Nothingness," on the recommendation of a friend, who I later learned had selectively adopted its ideas to justify an assortment of amoral life choices.

All I remember is that it left me feeling deeply depressed—or I should say profoundly unhappy and hopeless.  My father was dieing of cancer at the time.  My dreams for myself were proving to be much more difficult that I’d expected to make real, if not impossible, under the circumstances.  And I was experiencing my first crisis of faith, as the religious beliefs I was raised with longer seemed to ring true.  Sartre’s writing echoed my own dawning awareness of life’s harsh realities, without offering any comfort, at least in its opening pages.  It was too much for me at the time.

I wish someone had placed a copy of “Rethinking Depression” in the hands of my younger self all those years ago. Though, having read this book, I now feel as if someone has.

Part Two of this book begins with the realism of existential philosophy in Chapter 4, then fleshes out an approach to life that puts the power back into our hands as we each decide for ourselves how to be true to ourselves (live an authentic life) and make that life meaningful, even—perhaps, especially—when life seems most meaningless.

MAKING MEANING AND LIVING AN AUTHENTIC LIFE
In each of the chapters that follow, Maisel offers step-by-step guidance on how to do this, all the while admitting that meaning making, though worth the effort, is anything but easy.

I’m a big fan Do-It-Yourself.  I grow a garden each summer so my family, friends, and I can enjoy healthy fruits and vegetables. I bake my own bread by hand, from scratch, and even sew my own clothes when I have the time.  I entertain myself and perhaps offer the same to a few other people by creating original artwork and music from the raw materials of my imagination. And I volunteer for the causes I value most in the belief that making the world a better place is the ultimate DIY project.

Until I read “Rethinking Depression” that I had never thought to use the particular words “making meaning” to describe my DIY life. Now I realize  that’s exactly what I’ve always felt.  For me, Maisel’s use of that powerful phrase delivered a fabulous AH-HA moment, one of many provided by this book.

Maisel’s admonition to “focus on meaning, not mood” was another lightbulb moment for me. Again, this is something I attempt to do, though, for me, having the right words for it brings the practice to a higher level of awareness and choice.  In the face of life’s unavoidable unwanted experiences—and the pain, sadness, disappointment, and anger that inevitably accompanies them—I can choose in each moment to bravely, though imperfectly, turn my attention and actions toward the things I value most, toward creating the life and being the person I most wish to be.

Serendipitously, as I was writing this review, I happened to be working my way back through my personal journals from last summer, looking for bits of insight and lessons learned. After reading “Rethinking Depression,” I read the words I’d written then in a new way. 

I was taking the unavoidable difficulties of life and transforming them through choice and action into meaning.  In this way, I was able in the course of three handwritten pages to move from sadness to strength. I wrote:

I’m still feeling down this morning. What I imagine I’ve lost in the past 10 years is the optimistic boldness of belief that everything would work out as I imagined it would.  Time and again, I’ve faced emotional and physical setbacks that stripped me of my momentum….10 years ago I had no idea that all of this lay ahead.  All I saw was possibility.  I saw my own potential.  I believed that possibility and ability would come together to create the reality I envisioned.  If it were entirely up to me, then that’s exactly what would have happened.  It’s not.  It’s not entirely up to me.  My past, my body, the people I encounter and the things they choose to do, these are outside of my control.  They are the other creative forces.

All I can do is continue to show up.  When I’m tired, when I’m sad, when I’m so discouraged I want to give up, I can still show up.  I don’t have to feel it in order to continue acting on my creative vision. I start with what is, in this moment, and put my hand to it, apply my mind and emotion to it.  Even in sadness.  Even in despair of ever seeing my vision realized.

I am here.
As long as I am here there is hope for what might be.
That is enough.

I've learned along the way that life's obstacles and distractions offer some of the most meaningful adventures, as long as we can learn to walk through the unhappiness of unexpected detours and actively turn them into opportunities for learning and growth. Maisel's latest provides us with the tools and instructions we need to do this for ourselves.

"Rethinking Depression" should be required reading in the great school of living. We are each far more than a set of mental health criteria. We are far more than a diagnosis or the lack of one. Making a meaningful life is simply the best way to take back our mood supply.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR OF RETHINKING DEPRESSION

Eric Maisel, PhD, is a licensed psychotherapist and the author of Rethinking Depression and numerous other titles including Mastering Creative Anxiety, Brainstorm, Coaching the Artist Within, and A Writer’s San Francisco. He blogs for the Huffington Post and writes for Professional Artist Magazine. Visit him online at http://www.ericmaisel.com. 

RETHINKING DEPRESSION by Eric Maisel

February 15, 2012 •  Pychology/Personal Growth •  256 pages • Trade Paperback

Price: $14.95 • ISBN 978-1-60868-020-7

FREE DOWNLOAD: Grand Design: Artist's Prayer MINI-POSTER

FREE PDFs to DOWNLOAD*

COLOR MINI-POSTER The Grand Design: An Artist's Prayer

B&W MINI-POSTER The Grand Design: An Artist's Prayer

Formatted for 8x11 inch paper. Looks particularly yummy printed on beige card stock. You will need Acrobat reader or some other program to view the PDFs. Print settings may have to be adjusted to accommodate the size of the image within the allowable margins of your printer.

WHAT IT SAYS

The Grand Design: An Artist's Prayer

a song by Kay Pere

My heart is a parchment, my hand holds a quill.

I dip this pen, quivering, afraid the ink might spill.

I long to draw you to me, Great Mystery within.

Move my hands, move my heart, guide my pen.

Though I try to sketch the future, only your hand turns the page.

You erase the stains and smudges of my past mistakes.

So I ask, please, grant the wisdom to know where to draw the line

And provide a clearer vision of your Grand Design.

I could never pen your portrait for I've yet to see your face,

But I know you from your likeness in the beauty of this place.

The pattern of your stillness rests upon my open book.

A still life of your spirit shines wherever I might look.

Though I try to sketch the future, only your hand turns the page.

You erase the stains and smudges of my past mistakes.

So I ask, please, grant the wisdom to know where to draw the line

And provide a clearer vision of your Grand Design.

Great Artist, you arranged the stars and fashioned each small flower.

My heart and hands are yours to move in the quiet of this hour.

So I ask, please, grant the wisdom to know where to draw the line

And provide a clearer vision of your Grand Design.

(c) Kay Pere ~ Effusive Muse Publishing

WHAT IT'S ABOUT

Sometimes, making a beginning is the hardest part, until you remember that you don't create alone.

I've always felt a bit intimidated by a blank piece of paper, an unplanted garden bed, an unshaped lump of clay, a song waiting to be recorded. No matter how many times I've done something before, successfully or not, beginning anew is always accompanied by a particular kind of internal resistance.

The outcomes of my efforts, past and future, draw themselves vividly before me in that moment when I sit down to begin. Sometimes this feels so daunting that find it hard not to turn away.

I wonder to myself: Will it work out as well as it did last time? Will the result be what I imagine? Or will I repeat my past mistakes? Will my weaknesses of skill, knowledge, character or body keep me from completing what I've set out to do? Will my work be blocked by something I can't foresee?

I lose hope.

Until I remember how many times that errors--both on the page and in my life--have lead to outcomes much better than I ever could have envisioned.

In life, my most painful and costly mistakes have always ushered in periods of the greatest personal growth. Mishaps and mistakes in judgment have taught compassion, forgiveness, resilience, strength, self-acceptance, and so much more.

In my creative work, I can't count the number of times a failure of materials, equipment, skill, or advice has brought me to a place where the things I'd originally set out to do were no longer possible. I'm learning to be more open to accepting change and seeing what IS possible. When I can to do this, the results I didn't expect are always more interesting and original than those I could have planned.

I know I haven't provided specific examples. In the coming days I hope it to write in more detail on my other blogs, sharing anecdotes from my pottery work, songwriting, and teaching. As soon as these interrelated essays are ready, I'll share links to them here.

I hope you'll print out a mini-poster or two, and place it where it can inspire you.

The words are meant as a reminder that there is another Artist who creates along side you.

Take chances, trusting that--one way or another--the outcome of your efforts will be something beautiful.

As we create, so we are created.

HOW THIS WAS MADE

The hand-drawn frame of this MINI-POSTER was doodled on the back of an old 8x10 glossy publicity photo I had taken and duplicated by the hundreds for a press kit about 8 years ago. I have a huge stack of these photos remaining, an error in planning I've been hiding in the top of my studio closet, but that's a story for another time. Now they're becoming the raw material for something much more satisfying, serving as sturdy drawing paper for playing with sharpie Markers.

I doodled the frame 2 days ago with no particular purpose in mind. Decided yesterday morning it needed text in the center. Scanned it. Modified it. Selected my song "The Grand Design: An Artist's Prayer" for the text. Discovered that this song--which I've been working on for the past 3 years--was still missing 2 lines. At that moment the inspiration fairy finally chose to visit. And here it is.

When there's a recording and/or video of "The Grand Design: An Artist's Prayer", you'll find links to these here, as well as on my website.

(c) Kay Pere ~ Effusive Muse Publishing

*These are copyrighted images. PERMISSION IS HEREBY GRANTED to duplicate for personal use, to give as a gift, or to raise funds for non-profits supporting social justice and the environment. Also authorized for academic use. NOT to be sold for personal or commercial monetary gain. Kay Pere and Effusive Muse Publishing retain all rights to "The Great Design: An Artist's Prayer" song lyrics, music, and related sound recordings. Contact Kay Pere for additional information.

Mehndi Heart in Hand: FREE DOWNLOAD Bookmarks

On 3/22/11, I decorated myself with mehndi designs (henna) as a way to mark an important rite of passage. I knew that by the time it faded I would be well on my way to better things.

Today, I celebrate the return of spring and a return to health after 4 months of difficulty, culminating in surgery and a brief hospitalization. (Nothing life threatening, just one of those things.) Most of all, with a deep sense of gratitude, I celebrate the broad circle of friendship that has made the Divine more tangible to me through many thoughtful acts of kindness. I'm convinced that the compassion that surrounded me during this time was the best medicine of all.

In celebration and as an expression of my gratitude, I decided to use this occasion to share my first FREE PDF DOWNLOADs. There are no strings attached except for your solemn promise, on the honor system, NOT use them for your own or anyone else's monetary gain.*

At the bottom of this post, you will find links to click to download or print the files and instructions to follow. You will need Adobe Acrobat or some other program for viewing PDFs. These will enable you to make the bookmarks shown above, another of similar design with a more secular theme, or both. Your choice!

They are arranged 5 per page for each design. I recommend printing on card stock or cover stock.

I've designed these bookmarks to be an affirmation that each of us can make a difference for good through our simple, personal acts of kindness.

I created these to send out as a "thank you" to the many friends who were there for me during my recovery. Some provided home cooked meals, others shared DVDs, several stopped by for a chat and helped out when my husband was unavoidably away for a couple of days just a week after my return home. These are equally my way of saying "thank you" to friends and family far away who sent messages of encouragement.

I have friends and family members from many different belief systems and a wide range of religious traditions: Christians of every denomination, Jews, hindus, Buddhists, unitarians, pagans, wiccans, mystics, humanists, atheists, agnostics, and Hare Krishnas. I have learned much from each one. All have in common a desire to make the world a better place through the use of their unique skills and talents. The power of love is their unifying belief.

That's why I chose to include two separate designs.

Yes, I attend a Christian church. That's the path of belief I've chosen for myself, the community I've joined for the work of building lasting relationships, for experiencing and wrestling with the Divine, and doing the work of Love that can't be done by one alone. Still, I don't believe that Truth can be contained in one book or one building.

The "Heart in Hand" Bookmark, the one on the right above with a spiral on the index finger, is the more secular of the two. Since many of my friends are active in the arts, I chose the following quote:

"In art the hand can never execute anything higher than the heart can inspire." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

FREE DOWNLOAD: Heart in Hand Bookmark

The "God's Love Letter" Bookmark, the one on the left above with a cross on the index finger, was intended to have special meaning for my church friends. Its text reads:

"I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world" ~ Mother Teresa of Calcutta

FREE DOWNLOAD: God's Love Letter Bookmark

INSTRUCTIONS

(also also included on each sheet)

1. Select a bookmark PDF, save and/or print it on card stock in your choice of color(s). I used beige. You may need to adjust your print settings for scale and centering. These images were set up for 8 1/2 x 11 inch with very narrow margins.
2. Using scissors, cut just inside the guidelines to make arm shaped bookmarks. Feel free to adjust the shape to your liking as you cut. Punch hole for attaching tassel at location marked.
3. Cut 10-12 inch lengths of ribbon, yarn, of raffia in your choice of color(s). Fold each in half and tie or loop through the punched hole to attach. Then, if you choose, separate the strands of yarn or fray the raffia to make a fuller tassel.
4. Sit down with a cup of tea and a good book! Or pencil personalized notes to friends on the back of each bookmark and give as gifts.

(c)Kay Pere ~ Effusive Muse Publishing

*These are copyrighted images. PERMISSION IS HEREBY GRANTED to duplicate for personal use, to give as gifts, or to raise funds for non-profits supporting social justice and the environment. NOT to be sold for personal or commercial monetary gain. Contact Kay Pere for additional information.

POETRY: Autumn Sunrise

AUTUMN SUNRISE

As I in morning stillness stood

Face pressed against the window sash

To watch an endless feathered flock

Dark silhouettes with dart and dash

Flood across the opalescent sky

Dimly on the glass I saw

Inspired Mystery made plain

My breath inscribed a spectral heart

Upon the frigid windowpane

(c)2010 Kay Pere~Effusive Muse Publishing

[Photo taken at sunrise at Gove Hill Retreat Center, Thetford, VT.

Poem written this morning 10/30/2010 from life lived joyfully. I only wish I had taken a picture of the foggy heart that appeared on my window as I gazed out at birds and sunrise, breathing deeply of beauty.]

SACRED SHARDS: Carpe Diem I

Spent the entire day yesterday working at the community center's pottery studio, 10:30 AM- 7:00 PM. As the day went by I took pictures of my work and the materials used.

This morning while downloading and organizing recent photos from my digital camera I found several older pictures I'd intended to post and write about on my Sacred Shards Pottery blog. They'd been neatly filed on the computer several months ago, then forgotten in the onrush of life.

I need a system for keeping track multiple creative idea streams over time amid the continual shift and resurgence of various priorities. Sometimes the Quiet Little Life isn't so quiet.

Here are links to two of these photos with recent posts on my Sacred Shards Pottery blog:

• VESSELS: Carpe Diem I (in progress)
• VESSELS: Carpe Diem I (glazed)

They describe the process of making a pottery piece that came about through accident and happenstance. The piece turned out well though entirely differently from what I'd first envisioned. Despite obstacles, I set out to SEIZE THE DAY.

(c)2010 Kay Pere ~ Effusive Muse Publishing

RECIPE: Lemon Cranberry Scones

This morning I had a little extra uninterrupted time, so to celebrate I decided to bake something. For me, baking is recreation. The time it requires, not to mention the butter and sugar, makes it feel like a decadent luxury.

Since I was planning to go to church this morning, I could indulge in baking without eating the results all by myself. These lemony cranberry scones were shared at coffee hour after the service, though the ones in the picture above were set aside to enjoy here at home over the next few days.

Heavy cream the recipe calls for is not something I usually keep in the house. I did a search online and found a heavy cream substitute recipe that worked just fine, made from 3/4 cup milk and 2/3 c melted butter stirred together. I just added enough extra milk to make the 1 1/4 cup called for in the recipe below.

If you've never made scones before, you can watch the method in a video on gourmet.com, the only remnant of dear departed magazine, shut down last fall by Conde Naste Publishing, much to the disappointment of many. [I'm still sad about this loss. It was my only magazine subscription, always a delight to look through each month when it arrived. They tried sending me a few issues of Bon Appetit magazine in its place, but it just wasn't the same.] The original recipe for Dried Fruit Cream Scones, which I modified to create this recipe, is available on the Gourmet Magazine website. Both of these are now only accessible to registered users, but sign up is free, worthwhile, and doesn't require a divulgence of personal information in exchange.

I've listed quantities for this recipe that usually work. This morning, though, high humidity made the dough extra sticky. I stirred in extra handfuls of flour until the proper texture was reached. The resulting batch was not as fluffy and tender as they are under other circumstances. Even so, they were all eaten by friends conversing in summer sunshine on the church's freshly painted front steps or in the cool shade of the entryway.

LEMON CRANBERRY SCONES

• 2 c all-purpose flour, plus additional for processing cranberries & dusting kneading board
• 1 Tbs baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/4 c sugar
• zest of 1 lemon
• 3/4 c dried cranberries
• 1 1/4 c heavy cream (or milk/melted butter substitute cooled to room temperature)

GLAZE

• 2 Tbs butter, melted
• 3 Tbs sugar

1) Preheat even to 425F. Use an ungreased baking sheet or line it with baker's parchment.

2) Whisk together flour, baking powder, salt and sugar. Stir in lemon zest and set aside for at least 15 minutes to infuse dry ingredients with lemon flavor.

3) Chop cranberries tossed with 1 Tbs flour in food processor to desired size. Flour prevents dried fruit from sticking.

4) Stir heavy cream into dry ingredients to combine, until a rough, sticky mass begins to form. Do not over stir or scones will be tougher.

5) Flour a board and transfer the dough to it. Knead the dough 8-9 times, then pat into a square or rectangle about 1/2 inch thick.

6) For the glaze, still working on the board, brush top of dough with melted butter. Sprinkle evenly with sugar.

7) Cut the rectangle horizontally and vertically to make a 4x4 grid of 16 pieces. Cut these diagonally to form 32 small wedges. Alternately, pat the dough into a 10 inch circle, glaze and cut into 12 larger wedges.

8) Place wedges on baking sheet(s), allowing about 1/2 inch between small wedges. For larger wedges, allow up to 1 inch. Bake until light golden brown, about 15 minutes.

(c)2010 Kay Pere~Effusive Muse Publishing

BOOKS: Library Used Book Sale 2010

Today was the first day of our local library's used book sale, something I look forward to all year long. I brought home an armload to fill mind and heart in the coming months. They're stacking up my red reading chair where I'll spend this evening browsing through them, building anticipation for future evenings spent absorbed in their contents.

My most treasured purchase this year? (Pictured R, above)

• Henry David Thoreau boxed set, including "The Maine Woods," "A Week on the Concord and Merrimack Rivers," and "Walden"

Other fun and interesting finds (stack, above, top to bottom):

• "The Voyage of the Beagle" by Charles Darwin
• "Gift from the Sea" by Ann Morrow Lindbergh
• "On Writing Well" by William Zinsser, 25th anniversary Edition
• "Writing Alone and with Others" by Pat Schneider
• "Handbuilding" by Michael Hardy (pottery)
• "Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto" by Anneli Rufus
• "The World Without Us" by Alan Weisman
• "Thriving Beyond Sustainability: Pathways to a Resilient Society" by Andres R. Edwards
• "Green Thoughts: A Writer in the Garden" by Eleanor Perenyi
• "Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise, and Other Bribes" by Alfie Kohn
• "Think Out of the Box" by Mike Vance (signed) and Diane Deacon
• "Co-opetition: A Revolutionary Mindset that Combines Competition and Cooperation" by Adam M. Brandenburger and Barry J. Nalebuff
• "Jewelry: A practical Guide to Creative Crafts" by Miranda Innes
• "The World of M. C. Escher" with texts by M. C. Escher and J. L. Locher
• "Creative Puzzles of the World" by Pieter van Delft & Jack Botermans

I still have a stack of reading material remaining from last year's sale, so I considered not going this year as a way to economize. Then convinced myself it would be good to find gift books for others, for birthdays and Christmas.

Did that.

But also brought home these additional "gifts" for myself. Averaging less than $2 each, they really weren't such an extravagance. Each is an affordable source of hours of entertainment and education.

I can think of worse weaknesses.

A Salute to All Who Nurture

A Salute to All Who Nurture

A salute to all who nurture on this day we set apart!

To every step-mom and meta-mom, every giving mom-at-heart,

To all the mystic mothers of music, dance & art,

To each green-thumbed earth mother who gently does her part,

To the soul & body's healers, beside us from the start,

Happy Mothers' Day!

You are remembered and loved.

(c)2010 Kay Pere ~ Effusive Muse Publishing

THREE PROJECTS: Laying the Groundwork

About a month ago, I found myself at a crossroads.

The people attending our songwriting retreat back in March asked me where they could find recordings of the songs I’d sung for them and when my Creative Compass book would be available for purchase. I realized that I needed to find an answer for myself to the same question they'd asked over and over during our workshops: “How do I find time in my busy schedule for my songwriting?” (or writing a book, or learning to paint, or starting a band, or building a website, or planting a garden, or exercising…)

Their questions and interest motivated me to search for a workable answer.

Right in the middle of one of the busiest periods I’ve been through in many years—six weeks straight teaching lessons, performing concerts, presenting at conferences and retreats, selling pottery at shows, and hosting family gatherings, all without a single day off—I knew I was overdue for a change. I hoped to find a solution that would work for me, while offering tools and ideas that others could adapt to their own lives.

My creative work is piled up like a logjam in side me. It’s fully realized but not in a form that exists without my physical presence. If I’m not on hand to perform the songs, present the workshops, or sell my pottery on the spot they might as well not exist.

A month ago, on Monday, March 29, 2010 I began by making conscious effort to change comfortable old habits that were obviously stealing time and energy. I needed to remove the virtual drug that had been lulling me into complacency about the work I really wanted to be doing.

I’ve waited this long to post this because I didn’t want to try out these changes in public, only to fall back into old habits and have to confess to my backsliding just as publicly.

Four weeks into this change I feel much more comfortable passing along the specific things that have allowed me to start making tangible progress again toward three creative goals that had previously languished for months, even years, until now:

• Recording my "Dolphin's Daughters" CD project
• Writing my "Creative Compass" book
• Spending time making pottery for the joy of it (and to sell online and at artisan shows)

The change has come primarily by reclaiming time dissipated online, time I was numb to having wasted each day. And a change in attitude.

COMPUTER CAPACITY

Recording a CD and writing a book are computer intensive activities. Though my capacity for being glued to a computer screen for hours on end is fairly high, there’s still a limit to how much time I can put in each day, both in terms of endurance and availability. Wasting capacity on mindless internet exploration leaves little for recording a CD or writing a book.

In other words, I can only sit at my desk for so many hours straight before I my backside begins to hurt and I'm overpowered by an urge to run out front door into the sunshine shouting, "I'm free! I'm free!"

I realized that the time I was spending online reading news stories and blogs, skimming Facebook status updates, and watching funny videos must have been meeting some need otherwise I wouldn’t be doing it. What I had to figure out was what purpose they were serving so I could find a more satisfying way to meet those needs and free up my computer capacity for work on my projects.

The conclusion I drew was that time online was serving as a poor substitute for real world random exploration and discovery, enrichment, entertainment, and personal connection with others. If I could make a place for more of these things away from the computer screen, then the changes wouldn’t feel so much like deprivation during the crucial early stages.

TIMER FOR A CHANGE

Four weeks ago I set out first to quantify the minutes and hours slipping past in mindlessly screen staring while I read Facebook status updates and browsed internet news, caught up on artists’ and eco blogs, searched for recipes, listened to music or watched the latest viral Youtube video.

I set a digital timer counting as soon as I went online that first day. I needed cumulative total. Each time I went off to do something goal related or respond to a client email I stopped it. As soon as I returned to the internet in an unfocused way I started it again.

At the end of the first day, I was astounded by what the timer showed. And too embarrassed now tell you what it said, though you can read the fine print in the picture of my journal, below. Had I really squandered the entire morning after breakfast morning, and several wedges of precious time between teaching lessons, then another hour just before bed on that first day? Talking with other people, I soon realized that I wasn't alone, only difference was the time of day I was going online, morning vs. evening for most people.

For the next two days, I continued tracking my time online without changing habits. I had to convince myself of the magnitude of the problem. Was this really the way I'd been living? I made little chart and totaled up different kinds of internet use for several days.

Each day yielded the same results: several hours irretrievably lost with nothing to show for them but a nondescript sensation that I had done something vaguely useful.

How had I become delusional enough to sincerely believe that the majority of my internet time was being used for writing and responding to business correspondence or goal related reading, writing, watching, and listening online? The hard data I’d collected on myself showed a completely different story.

Fully convinced by the middle of that first week, I switched the timer from stopwatch to countdown mode, allotting myself only 1 hour, total, each day for online entertainment and curiosity.

My previous pattern had been to check email, read news, and browse Facebook over a bowl of generic cheerios or oatmeal, then loose track of time until mid-morning or even lunch time if I got up late. I work for myself teaching voice and piano to student scheduled to arrive afternoon through evening. I rationalized that my morning was the equivalent of everyone else’s evening, when other people relax and blew off steam after a hard day of work. This sort of daily schedule would be fine, except that there are other things I want to be doing.

The change felt more than a little awkward at first. I went through withdrawals on Thursday and Friday of that first week. It was like giving up a drug. Symptoms included a nagging sensation that something important was missing, restlessness, and irritability followed by the intense urge to return to my old ways.

More than a few of times, as I worked on other things at the computer, I lost focus and mindlessly clicked on the browser icon only to return to awareness 10-15 minutes later while skimming news headlines and articles on yahoo.com, or browsing friends and family members status updates on Facebook.

So I started rationing the hour in 15-20 minute increments throughout the day, using it to take breaks from other work. When the time ran out I planned to shut down the browser and return to other activities, but on several occasions the time expired, the timer beeped, and many minutes went by before I returned to awareness.

The next morning unplugged the Ethernet cable before powering on the computer. I didn’t plug it back in until lunchtime and got a lot more done.

BALANCING FOCUS & RANDOMNESS

I could see that if I simply reined in my old habits, while offered nothing as a replacement to meet the needs they were fulfilling, this experiment would fail. If I planned to impose additional structure on an already busy schedule, I would need to offer myself some other form of release of the sort that inspires rather than numbs.

The next step was to begin replacing cyber randomness with real world spontaneous exploration and online social networking with face-to-face interaction.

To fill the need for random, spontaneous exploration, that first week I started taking my new digital camera out for a walks capturing anything and everything that caught my eye.

I spent sunny hours working in the garden for fun, allowing myself to be drawn by whichever task called to me next—picking up leaves, digging holes to transplant rhubarb, picking pieces of antique pottery from the sandy soil like an archeologist, pruning the blueberry bushes.

I spent quiet moments sitting on the grass in the sunshine watching a pair of crows circle high over bare branched early spring woods.

Or by the sea as cloud shadows, wind ripples, and lobster boats pass.

I’ve browsed through the local public library, picking books off of shelves and bringing home CDs to discover new ideas and new music. Sometimes I’ve stayed to write there in a big comfortable chair for a change of scenery.

For human connection, I’ve been more open to conversation with people I encounter when I’m out in the community, choosing activities that will give me opportunities for interaction. It’s amazing what listening and thoughtful sharing will open in another, and in yourself.

This past weekend I struck up a conversation with a woman outside of the hardware store. We’d come out of the store a the same time and I’d noticed that she had a pick-up truck full of bamboo plants. I asked where she’d gotten them, then whether she was selling them, and eventually arrangements to get some for our yard. Not only that but learned a little about her family’s farm, it’s history, and why they're having to sell it. It’s a place I’ve driven by nearly every day and admired, lamenting the 55 acres that will soon be opened to development just a half-mile from our home.

Unlike the hours squandered on the internet, random explorations in the real world and time reclaimed for projects yielded memorable, tangible results.

The vividness of hours spent walking around town with a camera—capturing the shapes, colors and textures of ordinary objects—lingers even a week-and-a-half later. As does the satisfaction I feel each time I look back at those images. The experience of that day is burned into the retina of my heart.

THE PAYOFF

My projects have progressed and I’m feeling more alive!

The payoff can be found in small, tangible accomplishments and memorable experiences. These have replaced the emptiness I felt during the first few days after changing my old routine.

No, the CD is not recorded, not in four weeks, nor will it be finished in the next month or even two, but I now know exactly what I’ve already accomplished and what needs to be done next to keep things moving forward.

A unified awareness of accomplishments and next steps was difficult to holding in my mind before, when the virtual world ruled my attention.

I began a new pottery vessel titled Carpe Diem, which can be seen here, among other things. The scraps from forming this will become labyrinth necklaces to add to my Sacred Shards inventory.

And the Creative Compass book?

I’ve begun again to add 3x5 cards with ideas, quotes, etc. to my pocket chart outline as I happen upon them. I’m open again to uncovering insights and capturing them so they are beginning to appear nearly everywhere I look, as if by magic.

Although more dedicated time is needed to make real progress on the book, many ideas and topics are beginning to take shape in my daily writing.

During the coming month, I plan to commit certain hours each week to work on the book and my blogs. This will be another step forward.

The average non-fiction paperback book contains 40,00-50,00 words. The word count for this little essay has run more 2200 with an investment of about 12 hours total. I started it back at week two, but came back to rewrite and edit several times before it seemed ready to find it’s form.

Though this article won’t be used beyond this blog without further editing, it shows that writing a book is not such a distant, unachievable goal. A simple calculation reveals that 25 essays of this length could well be woven together to create a book of marketable length. [55,000 / 2200 = 25] This is totally doable!

I’m learning in a concrete way that moving these big projects toward completion is just a matter of accumulating incremental progress.

It’s a cliché of the creative world that you can do anything 15 minutes at a time. Well, it’s true.

My threshold of measurable accomplishment seems to be found after 1-3 hours of continuous work. Obviously the hours I’ve reclaimed from useless internet wanderings, and soulless TV watching before that, more than allow for this.

TIME FOR THE FINDING

I found the time in my busy schedule to begin to record my songs, make more pottery, and write the book by turning away from the virtual, toward the real world were songs and pottery and books must come exist apart from my presence, were the need for random exploration and human connection can truly find their fulfillment.

As a wonderfully affirming bit of ironic serendipity, in the midst of all this change an old friend posted a link of perfect relevance on Facebook. Unaware that I’d been working to make these very alterations in my life, she shared the following article, “Time Lost and Found” by inspirational author, Anne Lamott.

After reading it I knew I was absolutely doing the right thing.

A month has passed since I began instituting these changes and tailoring them to accommodate my best way of being and working.

I write today with new habits firmly in place: the ethernet cable is unplugged from my computer. It’s nearly lunchtime and I have not yet gone online today. In a few minutes, I’ll power down the computer, plug the cable back in, then go online to finally post this little article on my “Quiet Little Life” blog for you to read.

When I do, the timer will be close at hand, already set to count down from 1 hour as soon as the day’s browsing begins.

Though I still expect to lose track of time spent online occasionally, I know I’m more awake than before and more aware of the time passed there. Always, I’m eager to return to the real world were more satisfying work and exploration and human connection await.

©2010 Kay Pere ~ Effusive Muse Publishing

REFLECTION: a sigh of relief...

March has been one of the busiest months I've experienced in many years. All of it good busy. Just too much constant activity on top of activity for my quiet temperament.

Too much of a good thing is still too much.

The past two months have been an uninterrupted stream of concerts to perform, retreats to lead, conference mentoring to offer, workshops to present, and pottery shows to manage. All satisfying and valuable, but requiring a steady take-charge alertness and responsiveness to others that is draining when sustained over a long haul.

Today marks a conscious shift toward silence and solitude.

Today I return my gaze toward the projects closest to my heart, projects that can only progress if granted the uninterrupted time, energy, and focus they require.

• recording the next CD, one song at a time
• writing the Creative Compass book, one essay at a time
• pottery making, for artistic discovery and for sale, one lump of clay at a time.

One of my favorite quotes is from the dancer/choreographer Martha Graham, here she is speaking to Agnes De Milne:

[pictured above in a photograph by Barbara Morgan, "Letter to the World (kick), Martha Graham" 1940]

“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is on a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.”

When I'm suspended too much from myself--from my need for stillness and solitude--a sadness, a deep feeling of neglect creeps in. There is only one cure.

I wrote in my journal this morning:

"My tasks first. Others later or they will set the tone for the day.

My tasks first.

Not email.

Not phone calls.

My solitude.

My body. [meaning exercise and healthy eating]

My vision.

First."

"Relationships don't need constant tending. They will be stronger if I am more whole."

"If I am angry and sad and feeling neglected within, no matter how much recreation and togetherness is poured on top it will never be healed. The healing is in my own inward attentiveness, my own setting of protective boundaries around the needs of this center self, my own making of space for its expression and discovery."

"There is always discovery in solitary being and doing. That is what I long for. I will carve out space for that discovery through Soulful doing. Starting today. Starting now."

Less mindless surfing of the internet to read news, or watch videos, or catch up on Facebook. Less shuffling through newspapers and magazines to kill time.

Much more direct engagement in the projects that matter to me.

Starting today. Starting now.

I'll be writing here and on my other, related blogs more regularly, though briefly, to map daily progress.

But I'm shutting down my browser now.

And getting to work.

Starting today. Starting now.

(c)Kay Pere~Effusive Muse Publishing